[Continuously Updated] 2018 April Fools’ Roundup: All the jokes from around the web

 

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April Fools’ day is almost upon us, but each year at least a few companies are unable to restrain themselves, pushing out their pranks early. Google’s various divisions do a decent job each year. Last year’s Google Gnome was a pretty good one, and the Maps team’s 2014 Pokemon prank was a memorable one. OnePlus even does a good job.

It can be tough keeping track, though, so let us handle the work while you enjoy the jokes.

Where’s Waldo in Google Maps

This year’s Google Maps prank might remind you of times spent in an elementary school library. Waldo—of “Where’s Waldo” fame—is appearing on Google Maps in a new game that, much like the books of our childhood, takes us to different places all over the world.

 

Waldo appears on both the Google Maps app and desktop site, inviting you to play.

Playing is easy, just go to the Google Maps desktop site or fire up the app and our childhood duochromatic friend will pop his head in to see if you’d like to play. From there on out, it’s just like you remember it, only now Google can help keep score.

For more information on how to play, Google has even put together a set of detailed multiplatform instructions.

Google Cloud Hummus API

It can be tough finding precisely the right hummus for your tastes. There’s a whole world of garlicy, red-peppery, artichokey goodness to be explored together with it, but it can be daunting, and that’s why Google is rolling out a new machine learning-based Google Cloud Hummus API based on a simple “quick lick test.”

Google’s Cloud Platform April Fools’ day jokes are always pretty great. Last year’s Google Wind was hilarious and featured great production values. This year’s Cloud Hummus API is every bit as funny.

OnePlus’ PeiCoin

All of the details don’t seem to be live just yet, but the cryptocurrency teaser OnePlus pushed out earlier this week looks to be on track.

In a page on the company’s site, a number of details surrounding this new “PeiCoin” currency were revealed, including the ability to mine on OnePlus phones directly via OxygenOS. Other than that, it sounds like a normal cryptocurrency, but by OnePlus.

So far it isn’t that funny, but hopefully, OnePlus will reveal that there’s more to the joke tomorrow.

T-Mobile Sidekicks

The magenta house of Legere is bringing back one of T-Mobile’s most historically loved devices: the Sidekick. It’s a bit different this time, though.

It’s the world’s first “Smartshoephone,” and it’s hilarious. T-Mobile’s marketing usually does fairly funny work when it comes to their day job, and they’ve put in the same level of effort (if not more) here. I’d probably have to label this as one of 2018’s April Fools’ day highlights.

I could tear apart all the specific details I find funny from T-Mobile’s video, but it really speaks for itself. Just watch it.

I really f****** want the John Legere personal assistant.

Razer Project Venom v2

 

The limit in your gaming performance? You. Razer has a solution, though. It’s new Project Venom V2 is a nanobot-based upgrade that makes you into an extension of the company’s gaming hardware. Just insert Venom V2 into your preferred orifice, and you’re off. (Razer Phone Venom app coming soon.)

If you dig Razer’s “xTrEmE GaMeRz” ostentation (or if you think it’s hilarious when taken seriously by itself), then Razer’s April Fools’ day joke might just tickle your funny bone. Either way, if you register to participate as their Fools’ day site encourages, you have a chance to win a “full suite of Razer Chrome hardware.”

Pokémon GO graphical ‘upgrade’

In an announcement on the product’s blog, the Pokémon GO team revealed the release of new cutting-edge 8-bit graphics for the augmented reality game. I hear that not everyone will be able to enjoy the enhanced definition graphics, though. The upgrade in visual fidelity requires much more powerful hardware, so YMMV.

I’ll be honest, I kind of expected a bit more from this one. The only change is in the 2D icons for Pokémon as they appear in your Pokédex or nearby list. Battles and individual Pokémon listings still have the same 3D graphics.

Swipe for hardware keyboards, by Gboard

Google’s Japan Blog has revealed the company’s latest plan for the future of hardware device input: Gboard Physical Handwriting. You can already swipe to input text on your phone, why not extend that to the obvious future: swiping the shapes of characters on a literal, physical keyboard.

Ok, I don’t speak or read Japanese, but watching a bunch of serious Japanese businesspeople swipe away at hardware keyboards is pretty funny. It’ll even be coming to abacuses and corn. Plus, I mean, it’s got machine learning.

Nvidia GeForce Academy of Gaming

Traditional college degrees like Biology, Pre-med, or Business are so last century. Nvidia understands that today’s generation is only really interested in a single subject: video games. That’s why it’s introducing the GeForce Academy of Gaming, which offers majors such as Hardware Studies or Gameosophy.

Nvidia’s April Fools’ Day prank this year is one of the better ones we’ve seen so far, though it’s a bit understated. It isn’t as flashy as T-Mobile’s (which is hilarious), but if you’re fresh out of or still in college, reading the class descriptions is pretty funny. Nvidia invites us to select the classes we’re most interested in with an input field to register, though it’s not immediately clear what for just yet.

Either way, Artem’s promised to split the cost of classes with me. This time four years from now I’ll be a certified Gameosopher. Since we can’t be the Meme Police, I’ll spend my days contemplating the sad parable of the Nukem.

Quack Overflow

Stack Overflow has brought the concept of rubber ducking into the 21st century. Even better, this duck can actually provide you with meaningful answers. That makes solving all your most difficult programming problems even easier.

Just kidding.

The new rubber duck should appear at the bottom right on every page of Stack Overflow, presumably into tomorrow. Now we can all twice and avail ourselves of the duck before asking for help.

Discord @someone

Communication can be a tricky thing, they have whole schools and fields of study dedicated to the subject. That’s why Discord is rolling out a new feature for even more precise communication. The new @someone will allow you to select someone to target entirely at random.

In the full changelog, Discord announces that it will also start crashing at random, removing memes, and rolling out other new features like @supereveryone for as-needed bypassing of @everyone permissions.

Discord’s video announcing @someone is memerific. It’d be pretty much perfect for Adult Swim’s next “Off the Air.”

Logitech BS Detector

Logitech is announcing that, as of today, all its video conference systems will be shipping with integrated Business Speak, or “BS,” detection.

Of all the products announced this April Fools’ day, this is probably the one the world actually needs most. With all the press releases we have to read in a given day, BS detection is the sort of thing that could save us a ton of time.

Also, deep learning virtual reality blockchains. 🚫

Brewolingo

We’re beer snobs here at Android Police (Grimm, Finback, Omnipollo, and Evil Twin can do no wrong), and that’s why we’re excited to hear that Duolingo is introducing a new Brewolingo line of beers, blending Owlcohol and Owlgorithms in the heart of America’s Owliest Brewery.

Duolingo’s research demonstrates that getting a bit tipsy can help with learning a new language. Based on my recent experiences at MWC in Barcelona, I’d have to agree. In fact, I’m confident that with enough of the new Brewolingo, we’ll all forget how to speak English in no time.

Google rebrands for Australia

(Please read all of this section with an Australian accent.)

Google has partnered with the Australian designer Jazza, together with extensive market research, to define an entirely new identity for the ‘Strayan market. The result: an identical logo in the same typography, but with a “z” instead of “le.”

“Abbreviating words and terms and names isn’t just lazy,” says Jazza, “it’s a way of life, and a deep-rooted part of Australian culture.” It looks like Google Googz agrees.

The company’s rebranding efforts have yet to spread beyond Australia, likely due to ongoing drop-bear embargoes and fair barbecue weather, but hopefully our readers down under can take a break from their spider-paranoid lives to enjoy the typographical changes.

Hornhub

I’ve never been to Pornhub. Is that what it normally looks like? I wouldn’t know, I’ve never seen it. But this horn thing is totally new. Uh, not that I’d know.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Files Go Bad Joke Detector

Inexpensive phones might be a good deal, but the limited storage capacity they come with is an easy wall to hit up against. Google’s Files Go helps millions of people better manage their storage space. Now it’s file and meme-detecting capabilities are further expanding into an obvious new area: Bad Joke Detection.

It works simply. Just as Files Go could previously show you things like duplicate or unnecessary files for deletion, now it’s also able to detect bad jokes you may have been sent or seen. With just a few taps they’re gone, freeing up precious kilobytes of storage space.

LOSCoin

Cryptocurrencies are all the rage these days. LineageOS is the latest to jump on the bandwagon with LOSCoin. (Sort of like OnePlus’ joke, but, you know, Lineage, and with better execution.)

With Google bending over backward to make things difficult for ‘uncertified’ devices, it’s good that LineageOS is providing users with alternatives to banking and mobile payment applications that would otherwise be blocked. LOSCoin is a git-based blockchain that rewards users for commits (proof of work, amirite?). The longer it marinates—LineageOS’s term for failing to review submitted code—the more LOSCoins it’s worth.

The LOSCoin Wallet app will be coming to help manage all your new crypto assets with next week’s Lineage OS 14.1 and 15.1 builds.

Update: It’s legit.

I’ve got 2000… whatevers.

Can’t wait to buy my yacht.

Netflix acquires Seth Rogen, the person

In a press release statement penned by Netflix PR Seth Rogen, Netflix announces it has acquired full ownership of Seth Rogen, the “world-renowned Canadian person [and] prolific marijuana-doer.”

Rogen’s full autonomy was acquired by the streaming media giant for not much more than “a fuckin enchilada,” according to Netflix’s Jareth Chumley. In speaking about the deal, Rogen said, “as a general rule, I don’t really ‘read’ anything before I sign it.”

Future Rogen-powered Netflix projects may include a live-action Shrek remake, with Rogen playing both the eponymous role as well as love interest Fiona. Other projects include “executive foot massager” and “Quentin’s back waxer.”

We’ve reached out to Rogen and Netflix for additional information. For the full details, you can read Netflix’s PR just below.

NETFLIX ANNOUNCES ACQUISITION OF SETH ROGEN
Hollywood, CA – April 1st, 2018 — World-renowned Canadian person, prolific marijuana-doer, and winner of the 2015 MTV Movie Award for “Best Kiss” Seth Q. Rogen has entered into a lifetime deal to transfer full ownership of his personal autonomy to Netflix, Inc.

“I have known Seth for many years” said senior Netflix Development Executive Jareth Chumley. “After a wrap party in late 2017, Seth approached me and said something like ‘Jesus Fucking Christ Jarbear, I would sell my soul for a fuckin enchilada right now.’ And so basically that was how the idea was born. In the end we settled on a price a little higher than a standard Chili’s To-Go entree, but I’ll be damned, not by that much.”

“As a general rule, I don’t really ‘read’ anything before I sign it,” replied Rogen when asked about the deal, spilling some beer on his own head as he does the finger-symbol equivalent of air quotes. “That’s what Danny is for, he handles that for me, mostly,” gesturing toward an elderly man in a poncho sleeping on the couch behind him. “Hey Danny!” he shouts, unable to wake his senior contract advisor. “I really hope he didn’t fuck this up. He’s the reason that Zach and Miri Make a Porno exists.”

Seth Rogen’s Hilarity for Charity is the first project where Netflix was able to successfully extract comedy directly from the actor’s mind. It will stream April 6. While the remaining projects Rogen will be participating in have not yet been finalized, Netflix is considering a live-action Shrek remake, starring Rogen as both the titular character, as well as that character’s love interest Fiona. There will also be other tasks considered, including some off-camera roles such as “executive foot massager” and “Quentin’s back waxer”. “The world really is our oyster here,” said Netflix Chief Operations Officer Karen Shartwell. “There really isn’t anything on earth that we can’t make him do.”

About Seth Rogen

Seth P. Rogen is the celebrated writer / actor / director of such highly acclaimed films as Superbad, Pineapple Express and Sausage Party – one of the first films ever to anthropomorphize various kinds of processed meat products. He can regularly be found rubbing elbows with entertainment’s elite, ranging from auteur Tommy Wiseau to famed actor James Franco, famed actor James Franco’s brother, and famed actor James Franco’s mom.

Rogen was first discovered by acclaimed producer and director Judd Apatow for his television series Freaks and Geeks, an interaction Seth insists he does not remember. He is also the winner of many, many awards, such as the MTV Movie Award for “Best Jawdropper,” and has been nominated for even more, including a 2008 Blimp Award, a 2009 Teen Choice Award for “Worst Beard”, and a bunch of Canadian Awards that aren’t on the web yet because of Canada’s well-publicized internet shortage. He is often lauded in Hollywood circles for his fancy “Blunts and Jizz Jokes” cocktail parties, and is regularly featured on the popular website “Twitter.”

Rogen is, as he puts it, “a bigtime supporter” of charities. In addition to his actually great work with the annual Hilarity for Charity variety show, he is also known for founding such groundbreaking organizations such as “Fingers 4 Hope”, which collects uneaten chicken fingers from local restaurants, and “Seth’s Place,” which serves milk in bags to Canadians having trouble acclimating to American culture.

About Netflix

Netflix is the world’s leading internet entertainment service with just a whole bunch of members in over 190 countries “enjoying” more than 140 million hours of TV shows and movies per day, including original series, documentaries and feature films. Members can watch as much as they want, anytime, anywhere, on nearly any internet-connected screen. Members can allow their precious, limited time on earth to pass them by while re-watching The Office for the 800th time – all with the ability to play, pause and resume watching without commercials or commitments. Also we have DVDs still.

Netflix Press Contact

Seth Rogen

[email protected]

Looking for something to watch on Netflix? Check out Seth’s picks:

Recently Watched By Seth Rogen

Seth Wants to Remake & Star In

Because He Got High

Kodi is now XBMC (again)

With Google removing Kodi from its Autocomplete results, the Kodi foundation has decided another name change is in order. What better way to fight the man than by returning to the project’s roots? Kodi is officially changing its name back to XBMC.

Together with this change, XBMC will be dropping support for all platforms that aren’t the Xbox One. In an effort at historical continuity, the next release of XBMC will be v.3.0. XBMC supporters can pick up new/old merch for the next three days.

Charge your Chromebook with renewable energy

I need these sunglasses.

We all forget our chargers at home once in a while, but thanks to the magic of April Fools’ day marketing Google’s engineering, there are a host of alternative means available, including solar charging, wind power, and compost.

For full instructions, check out the Chrome OS Team’s blog post.

Bananaphone

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring. (Boo ba doo ba doop.)

Deviant Art Originals

Move over Netflix, Deviant Art is entering the world of original programming. The company’s new platform will include debut shows like ‘Shopped and The OC (Original Character).

Ok, so really only one of the shows sounds like it might actually be watchable, but it’s still a funny idea.

RokuHappy Streaming Socks

Those of you with a Roku that haven’t yet enjoyed the GLORY of Google Assistant’s Harmony integration now have another option for hands-free controls while watching content: the Roku Happy Streaming Socks, available for a mere 0.01 BTC (or $ 67).

Each pair of $ 147 Streaming Socks comes with built-in motion sensors for hands-free commands, as well as advanced foot warming technology. And at just $ 40, they’re a great deal.

Sprint Magic Ball

Sprint might be a great deal on paper, but the common refrain is spotty service. What good is unlimited data if you can’t use it anywhere? That’s where the company’s new Magic Ball comes in.

It’s a portable all-wireless small cell, providing enhanced coverage to places like schoolyards and soccer arenas.

Ok, so Sprint’s joke this year is incredibly derivative, but not everyone has the marketing chops (or marketing budget—that’s some bad CG, Sprint) that T-Mobile does.

KAYAK Virtual Vacations

KAYAK, of online travel fame, has announced that it’s leaving the literal, physical travel business entirely. Just as companies like HTC and Facebook have decided that VR is the future, so has KAYAK.

KAYAK’s new Virtual Vacations give you the experience of being in a new place, including sights, sounds, tastes, and smells, but without all that pesky travel. There’s no “there” there, and that’s just how they like it.

The scary part is I know a ton of people that would actually prefer something like this. Know what KAYAK? I could really use a vacation.

Corsair’s GPU Rescue

Ongoing GPU shortages continue to plague the PC gaming market, but where are all these GPUs going? Turns out, there’s a dark side to graphics technology, and many GTX 1070’s and RX Vegas are becoming victims of GPU trafficking.

ASUS Zenbook AI

Not to be outdone by either Huawei or Dell’s new low-bezel laptops, ASUS has just announced their own. And it’s got a now-familiar feature peeking out below the top edge.

At least whoever’s manning ASUS’s US Twitter account has some level of self-awareness, this launch didn’t come with a ton of FruitPhone X or MacNovel comparisons.

Phone Arena’s iPhone X home button

The iPhone X might be one of the most highly regarded phones in recent history, topping the lists for 2017 at most outlets (while being simultaneously, inexplicably underrated, according to some), but Apple’s latest mobile flagship wasn’t without its faults. The lack of a hardware home button, fingerprint scanner, and ongoing headphone deficiency still left many people unsatisfied.

But with the new iPhone X Home Button Add-on, all those concerns are gone.

More than with the other items on this list, I feel the need to say this obviously isn’t real. Kudos to Phone Arena, though. I bet a good number of people are going to see the iPod Shuffle-shaped dongle and wish they could buy one.

Bixby Speaker

If there’s one thing Samsung seems to love more than making inferior clones of other products, it’s forcing those clones on its customers in the most inconvenient way possible. Just look at the spastic, terrifying AR Emojis, or the pile of applications on the Galaxy S9 that you can’t disable.

Next up to Samsung’s terrible, terrible bat, virtual assistant speakers.

This is far too realistic.

4d6andMe Stat Discovery Kit

When was the last time you stopped at work to consider how well your current job might actually fit in with your selected class or ability scores? If you were to go punch Dave at the water cooler in his stupid face for giving away the ending to the next season of The Expanse, what die would you roll for damage, and how many? Thanks to ThinkGeek and 4d6andMe, now you can know.

With just a single saliva sample, you can get your personal attribute scores in only six to eight weeks, all on a convenient D&D 5th edition character sheet (sorry Pathfinder players).

Coca-Cola Avocado, Sourdough, and Charcoal flavors

You laugh, but I’d buy and try every single one of these. I’m sad there’s no good sourdough in Boston.

Tesla enters every chapter of bankruptcy

Who killed the electric car? It just might be Tesla. The company has announced, via CEO Elon Musk’s Twitter, that it is entering into chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, and 14 1/2.

When the Tesla fire sale starts, I’ll take a Model S.

Dollar Shave Club’s ghost pepper wet wipes

Infused with the essence of ghost pepper, cinnamon, and sea salt, Dollar Shave Club’s “One Wipe Charlies” tingly-hot sensation will leave you clean and screaming for more in general pain.

With salt to exfoliate your most sensitive areas paired with anti-inflammatory cinnamon, the one million Scovilles of Bhut jolokia pepper oil provide a peculiar and distinctive sensation. Every bathroom visit will become a memorable one as these flushable wet wipes clean (and probably permanently damage) your delicate… sensibilities.

That’s all we’ve spotted so far, but we’ll keep an eye out for more. April Fools’ day isn’t over yet.

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